OET Letter Correction - Mr. Denton - Grade C+

تصحيح خطاب OET

Mr. Denton – Grade C+

عند كتابة خطابك، يجب عليك القيام بذلك في نفس الظروف التي كانت عليها يوم الامتحان. لذلك، نقترح عليك كتابة خطابك في الوقت المحدد. ثم أعد كتابته في مستند Word وأرسله إلينا.

تصحيح الحروف

12/04/06

Dr. Haley Moore,

Dermatologist,

15 High Street,

Perth,WA,6000.

Dear Dr. Moore,

Re: Mr. Andrew Denton,DOB: 13/08/89

Thank you for seeing my patient Mr. Denton,who has been demonstrating symptoms suggestive of infected acne for about 1 month.

No need for a comma

On 12/04/06, Mr, Denton came to my surgery with acne on face and rash.Although temp and BP were normal,mouth ulcers were also found.Please note, he enjoys fast food.On a more personal note of my patient,his parents were divorced 2 years back.After careful observations,I gave him advice about personal hygiene specially to eat healthy.Skin cleansers were also recommended.

The paragraph is not organized. You should mention habits and semi relevant issues in a paragraph, then start your paragraphs after writing this.
He was advised about his ….. (use the passive voice when the patient is the object of the sentence)

This morning, Mrs denton reported to me anxiously as his acne has worsened ans has become infected as a result he now has fever.I am wondering whether he is taking action against my advice or not. However,his mother is also very concerned and both of them want specialist opinion.

Infected and as a result, he is suffering from fever now (a better sentence structure)

In the light of the above,I therefore am referring Mr Denton into your care for further investigations and treatment of worsened acne.Please feel free to contact me if you require any assistance regarding this patient.

I am; therefore, referring (punctuation and word order)

مع خالص تحياتي،

General practitioner.

نصائح شخصية لرسالتك القادمة

لتحسين نتيجتك، عليك أن:

You need to check the organization of your letter
Read more samples for a better sentence structure
Make sure your punctuation is correct and accurate
استخدم مجموعة متنوعة من الأزمنة للحصول على نتيجة أفضل
Use the passive voice to keep the patient always the most important point
قم بالمراجعة لتجنب الأخطاء البسيطة

تعتمد أي درجة تقديرية على المعلومات التي قدمتها لنا، ومع ذلك فإن درجتك ستختلف دائمًا اعتمادًا على المهمة والظروف في وقت الكتابة.

الدرجة التقديرية: C+

تعليقات على النتائج

إنجاز المهمة بشكل عام – 4

لقد أظهرت القدرة على إدارة المهمة وتنظيم المعلومات بطريقة منطقية، ولكن هناك بعض الأخطاء في ترتيب المعلومات. إن الأخطاء النحوية وعدم الدقة الكبيرة لها تأثير سلبي على القارئ المستهدف في بعض الأماكن. من الواضح أنك على دراية بأسلوب الرسالة ولكنك ببساطة لا تملك سيطرة كافية على اللغة المطلوبة.

ملاءمة اللغة – 4

لقد اخترت المفردات والنبرة المناسبة بشكل عام للقارئ المستهدف والمهمة التواصلية. إن بعض الأخطاء لا تعيق التواصل. وبشكل عام، فإن الرسالة ليست منظمة بشكل جيد.

فهم التحفيز – 4

أنت تثبت فهمك للمهمة والمدخلات التي تكون دقيقة بشكل عام. يتم شرح العديد من النقاط الرئيسية بوضوح وإعطائها درجة مناسبة من الأهمية. يجب عليك تحديد المعلومات ذات الصلة وشبه ذات الصلة وغير ذات الصلة. حدد المعلومات المهمة

التحكم في السمات اللغوية (القواعد والتماسك) – 4

لقد استخدمت مجموعة من الأجهزة لتوصيل المعلومات، وهناك بعض الأخطاء فيما يتعلق بالأزمنة والمقالات والصيغة السلبية.

التحكم في ميزات العرض (التهجئة والترقيم والتخطيط) - 5

لقد اخترت تخطيطًا جيدًا، ولكن هناك بعض الأخطاء في علامات الترقيم وأخطاء تكوين الكلمات

إجابات نموذجية

ستجد مجموعة كبيرة من الإجابات النموذجية على الإنترنت، ولكن قد يُطلب منك الانضمام إلى مجموعة مختارة من مجموعات Facebook لذلك. ومع ذلك، فإننا نضيف بعض الأمثلة إلى موقعنا الإلكتروني (بانتظام) ويمكنك العثور عليها من خلال الرابط(الروابط) التالي(ة):

الدواء: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

مواد إضافية

ولمساعدتك على التحسن بشكل أكبر، يسعدنا أن نقدم لك رابطين للمعلومات التي ستضمن لك المزيد من الوعي بمهمة كتابة خطاب اختبار OET.

ستجد دليل كتابة OET في هذا الرابط: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

بالإضافة إلى نصائح عامة حول كتابة خطاب اختبار OET في هذا الرابط: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

أي أسئلة

ستجد مجموعة كبيرة من الإجابات النموذجية على الإنترنت، ولكن قد يُطلب منك ذلك؛ يرجى التفكير في الانضمام إلى مجموعتنا على Facebook للحصول على المساعدة: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

ستجد مجموعة كبيرة من نماذج الإجابات على الموقع الرسمي لاختبار OET. أقترح عليك تصفح الموقع.

إرسال الرسائل

إرسال الرسائل: نرحب بإرسال جميع رسائل OET للتصحيح عبر البريد الإلكتروني إلى عنوان بريد إلكتروني مخصص خصيصًا على المهام@macscottech.com.

نحن بحاجة إلى التأكيد على أنه يتعين عليك تضمين بعض المعلومات المهمة في البريد الإلكتروني، وهي: معرف الطلب، ورقم الرسالة، ونوع الخدمة واسمك.

وهنا مثال:

78901، 2، قياسي، محمد يوسف.

إنه بهذه البساطة!

بموجب النظام الجديد، سوف تتلقى ردًا تلقائيًا عامًا خلال بضع دقائق من استلام بريدك الإلكتروني.

لا تترددوا في إرسال رسائلكم واحدة تلو الأخرى أو جميعها في نفس الوقت، القرار لكم.

عدم إرسال خطابك بالمعلومات المذكورة أعلاه في البريد الإلكتروني

سيؤدي ذلك إلى عدم معالجة خطابك للتصحيح.

درس قواعد اللغة

Active and Passive Verb Formation

In writing a referral letter it is necessary to use a variety of verb forms including both active and passive verbs. Using active verbs is good when you wish to create a personal tone or impart subjective information. However, passive verbs and sentence structures enable the writer to be more objective and focus attention on what is most important in a sentence such as the patient, procedures and treatment rather than on themselves.
Compare

I advised the patient to stop smoking.
The patient was advised to stop smoking (focus on the patient)

I advised her to do bed exercises to prevent further complications such as deep vein thrombosis.
Bed exercises were advised to prevent further complications such as deep vein thrombosis.(focus on the treatment)

You need to take Flucloxacillin capsules twice a day for a duration of 2 weeks.
Flucloxacillin capsules need to be taken twice a day for a duration of 2 weeks.(focus on the medication)

To form the passive, use the be verb (be, is/ are; was/were; has been/have been) + past participle as described in the table below.

Active	Passive
Present simple The patient takes aspirin daily.	Present simple Aspirin is taken daily.
Present simple continuous The patient is taking aspirin daily.	Present simple continuous Aspirin is being taken daily.
Past simple The patient took aspirin daily. The patient took 3 tablets daily.	Past simple Aspirin was taken daily. 3 tablets were taken daily.
Past simple continuous The patient was taking aspirin daily.	Past simple continuous Aspirin was being taken daily.
Present perfect The patient has taken aspirin daily for a period of one year. The patient has taken aspirin, noten and normison for a period of one year.	Present perfect Aspirin has been taken daily for a period of one year. Aspirin, noten and normison have been taken for a period of one year.
Present perfect continuous The patient has been taking aspirin daily.	Present perfect continuous Nil: This form is rarely used in the passive.
Past perfect The patient had taken aspirin daily for a period of one year. The patient had taken aspirin, noten and normison for a period of one year.	Past perfect Aspirin had been taken daily for a period of one year. Aspirin, noten and normison had been taken for a period of one year.
Past perfect continuous The patient had been taking aspirin daily.	Past perfect continuous Nil: This form is rarely used in the passive.
Future The patient will take aspirin in the evening	Future Aspirin will be taken in the evening.
Modal form The patient should have taken aspirin in the evening.	Modal form Aspirin should have been taken in the evening.

Please review the list of common mistakes below.

غير صحيح	صحيح
She was performed a colostomy accompanied with a partial bowel resection.	A colostomy was performed with a partial bowel resection. A colostomy was performed on the patient by the doctor with a partial bowel resection. The first example is better as it more concise and also it is obvious the roles of patient and doctor so it is unnecessary to state them.
As per the doctor’s order, we were organized daily home visits.	As per the doctor’s order, daily home visits were organized. (passive) As per the doctor’s order, we organised daily home visits. (active) Both sentences are grammatically correct but the first example is preferred because it focuses attention on the procedure.
On 9.7.06 he was presented to me for his regular check up.	On 9.7.06, he presented to me for his regular check up. (active) Active voice is preferred here as the patient is the subject and most likely presented himself.
On the subsequent visit the treatment options was discussed.	On the subsequent visit, the treatment options were discussed. Because the noun is plural the plural verb “were” is required.
She had done colonoscopy 3 years ago.	A colonoscopy was done 3 years ago. She had a colonoscopy done 3 years ago. In these sentences it is unimportant who performed the colonoscopy so passive voice is used.
Initially, she came to me on 14/01/2006 for a general check up and was found her blood pressure 160/90.	Initially, she came to me on 14/01/2006 for a general check up and her blood pressure was found to be 160/90. After the conjunction and a subject is required.
In addition, her baby will need to monitor his growth and general health condition	In addition, the baby’s growth and general health condition will need to be monitored Future form of the passive.
Noten 50mg 1/2 tablet daily was prescribed while Zocor and Calcium Caltrate were continued taking.	Noten 50mg 1/2 tablet daily was prescribed while Zocor and Calcium Caltrate were continued to be taken
Today at my surgery attended Mr. Attard complaining of pain in his upper left molar.	Today, Mr. Attard attended surgery complaining of pain in his upper left molar. Use active form here as you need to focus on your patient, not your surgery

OET Letter Correction – Mr. Denton – Grade C+

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